I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
