this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm like, not good at living.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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