I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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