Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
