Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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