3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
