Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
be right there i have to get my cape
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
