Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
