I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize