I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
