i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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