so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
