She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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