Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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