My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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