Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
