Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
