I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
