i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
