Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
