i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
