your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
