I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
