I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
