She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize