To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
