Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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