ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
