i just made my gag reflex go away.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
