i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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