I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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