After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
