im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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