Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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