anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
