I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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