Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
