Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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