I just pynch a tree in the face
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
