so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
