my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
