ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
