I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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