you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
