god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
