a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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