My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
