Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
whose parrot is this?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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