I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
