If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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