i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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