Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
