whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ