If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."