I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm