Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.