john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line