smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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