I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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