I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
