how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
