You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
