but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
