My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
