Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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