Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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