I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
