I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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