You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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