capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
