You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
