I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She tied me up with her honor cords...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
