So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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