a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
