yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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