i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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