It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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